Monday, May 28, 2007
Well... it has been a bad day, or judgement day as wilson called it. Judgement, crude, harsh, justical.
Well... today morning i woke up. My heart was beating hard. CL CLCLCLCLCLCL OLVL OLVL thats all the processes that surged my head. So... I got up, did the usual stuff, blah blah, very soon, i wa sin the examination hall. And i set for the paper. Wasn't nice at all. :P Oww... Very difficult. Total pawnage. Don't want to talk more about it.
BTW, when i tore the sticker out, the thing coiled and when i pulled to starighten it, some of the ink on the bar code stuck on the stiker. And my barcode was like smudged. Oww well... anyway i anticipate i will have to retake anyway. X.X omg~~~~~~
Today yi wei ofund a new SG girl in conquer. NEW ONE.
He had one. He took 2 hours to make her divorce from her husband and made her his own. Today... he didnt perform so well... maybe i was pressurizing him :P (i kept spamming him) :D
Haiz... Last friday we had breakfast with the teachers thing. I didnt like it. so many people around eating... and i was like gobbling =.= with coffee of course (Fillet Breakfast meal)
the coffee was aromatic, but i cant say the same for the taste :P
I had a hush brown, a burget and coffee. (that was breakfast 2 mind u)
Then after that, ppl started playing games... yu gi oh, talk some crap, UNO, daidi (whatever that is). Left out and precipated (omg chem!) I sat in one corner.... studying chinese. yes CHIINESE!
zzzzzzzz, but in the end, i still didnt do so well...
The report book was issued on that say too... Mdm noraha (sry if wrong spelling) said i should aim for a 1 digit L1R4. I wish i could, but my mother tongue is weak, english paper 2 i failed... miserbly (thx to summery -.-) and my SS cant be improved. zzzzzz Infering was never my thing. I can infer, but the teachers never accept my inference. If so, why do they even ask us to infer? zzzzzzzz, since u are gonna deject it anyway, make life easier, infer yourself =.=""
Well.... things are rocky so far... and my favourite list - the very ones i hate, is expending everyday. I should consider making it into a book :P
omg thx google auto save system. I typed till dunno why suddenly my IE close =.=""
tmr got SPA skill 3 for chem... so i suppose i go study now... the format... till next time.
Channeler of lust
5:54 AM
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Saturday, May 19, 2007
Do what my heart tells me to do, do it without regrets.
I may become the ones I detest most, but I refuse to let them gloat over their victory.
My explaination will be invalid in all frames, but its my reason.
Channeler of lust
11:31 PM
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Thursday, May 17, 2007
I'm now pissed. Or disheartened. I'm wrecked with thoughts.
Today i realised something. Everyone only cares about themselves. It just that, and its only that. Deep down, its still that. Its the basic essence. There is no way round that.
Everyone clusters around the best. That's inevitable, i know. But what I also know is that... These few BEST ones aren't the best. They are at their peak, their limits are limited. I can see others whose potential EXCEEDS them, but they never put in effort. Even these minimal efforts put in allowed me to notice their potential, while such great efforts put in by the 'best' were not even acknowledged, not that they care or anything. They score well, but i totally command no respect for them. They just suck. That's it. No way round that. Tell me to do better then them? I will, but i see no purpose in doing so. I will become the very kind of people i despise. The kind that gets all the glory, leaving those that can actually perform in the wake of despair. It has always been like that. Those weaker students... If not for there 'BEST', they woulden't have been discouraged by the marks range, and not have given up.
My class has always have been NERDS. Always constantly study. Even though they don't show it, they still study. Its stressful. I am force to study to not lag behind. And everyone is selfish. Trust me. They are. Its a vicious cycle. Do you know why they help? They want to get a tough questions which could help them do better when they know how to do. Or just reinforce what they know. In their mind, those weaker ones will not master them anyway. Either way, if they were to given a chance, they will not help. Its either for the sake of friends or the teacher.
I can tell from this from certain events. Like one fund raising, no one wanted to turn up. No 1 volunteers for anything (im selfish and im proud of it, mind u)
Its the basic principle. I exprienced it. I felt... I can't remember what it was... I only know now that I'm probably on my own. My ego getting the better of me. I don't care. All i know is I will probably succumb on this path i choose. But at least, I still hold by my beliefs. Till the end. I am selfish but i wont hide it. Thats what i hate most. Deception of motives.
Chinese... The O lvl chinese impends. and i am completely defenseless. U know y my chinese is so weak? call it excuses, but chinese has no meaning. The characters are simplified and these simplified characters have no actual meaning. Thus, intrest has gradually been lost. I used to like chinese, until i started to fail... and fail... whatever I do, the helplessness. I still fail... slowly... I hated it.... wanted to avoid it... The safety...
I have vomitted out the main things that process my mind tonight, others mihgt have been forgotten, or maybe solved...
SPA... the grading system is so unfair that the teachers are stressed. lol. We get stressed to u know (im stressed now)
Till next time.
Channeler of lust
6:06 AM
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Tuesday, May 15, 2007
Did quite badly for the mid-year...
...
Science was relatively ok... (but the teachers claimed it was from combined papers but i swear, with yi wei's life as usual, some of it came out in pure [at least the 10year series shows so...] )
I was surprised my physics got A2 coz i didnt really study... :P
And... chem was [OK] coz i do my own reading (out of syllibus stuff). I cannot learn properly in class. I need a stress free environment to learn.
English... the paper 1 was quite well... but the paper 2 summery sucked. so i failed paper 2. zzzz (but overall managed to pass)
the summery i had only 4 points. zzzz. pure owned. T.T
Chinese... paper1 was ok. paper 2 (like english) sucked. zzzz failed horribly. I can read the bloody script. so how am i gonna bloodly do it?! listening i got full marks (i think) coz... everything was read out. So... i can answer.
A maths.... did badly. I really wanted to blame the stomachache for the paper 1 but i felt that it was probably mostly due to my arrogance. Paper 2 was sh!t for the basic fact that i was also arrogant and also, wasn't prepared properly. The give u 1 chunk and u r supposed to do it. passed by a meagre 1 mark.
Maths... was... [saved] i guess.
Geog was relatively ok... SS was [sh!t] but i guess i am at my peak as SS. I mean. SS tells u to infer right. And teachers give u a grade on what u infer. SO WHEN I INFER SOMETHING THE TEACHER DIDN'T INFER, I AM SUPPOSED TO GET IT WRONG. BUT THE PROBLEM IS, ITS WHAT I FREAKING INFER, NOT U. SO IF U WANNA BE SO DAMN SMART TO MARK WRONG, PLEASE, DO NOT ASK THIS QUESTION. phew. Let it out. :P For the structured essay for ss, *bleah* lets not talk about it.
Well... the bad performace this time could be due to my arrogance and complacement. I know it exists, but i cant get rid of it. I've also lost my direction in life. haix. If a teacher wants me to write a reflectiong about the exams, i'll forward them to this site. Then again, i gave a warning on this blog lol.
still got CME project due in less then 1 week. collarge. zzzz stick bits and pieces of scrape on a board. Wonder who invented it anyway? it isnt wise to do one of those in last minute. :P
=:till next time:=
Channeler of lust
4:27 AM
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Sunday, May 13, 2007
Well... everything has been so bad, i don't even feel like studying for tomorrow's test. So, before i claim my results, heres to life.
.............../´¯/)...........(\¯`\
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...../´¯/..../´¯\.........../¯`\....\¯`\
.././.../..../..../._......_.\....\....\...\.\..
(.(....(....(..../.)..)..(..(.\....)....)....).)
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zzzz sorry for any offence caused
Channeler of lust
1:45 AM
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Saturday, May 12, 2007
Ok... I got this problem when i was going to post a new entry after a long time. (if there was cyber dust, i would be sneezing now)
Screwed up the exams (my intuition tells me so)
Had stomachache on wedsday... zzzz that day was the mother tougue paper... had to focus all my hopes, ambitions, faith, dreams, courage, freedom(huh?), paper(zzzz!), pen(wtf?!) etc (u get the idea)
anyway, so there i was.. on the verge on puking >_> (yeah, the paper was disgustiong), and i had to bare the excruiting pain... pain... pain... (got carried away with a flashback)
speaking of flashback, i didnt know what i was writing for english compo. The narrative compo title just sucked. It was easy to write, but to write a good one, it was near impossible within that time limit. And i attempted to write a good one... and the bits and pieces of the story sorta do not fit. (yeah, in my face)
Back to the exams on wed... after that, it was the A math paper1. It was easy... but i couldn't concentrate. Resisting the urge to vomit was all that was in my head. And the instructer(which happened to be my form teacher and maths teacher) told me NOT to sleep. Sleep. I feel nauxious(however u spell that) and u tell me to sleep?
zzzz. Then i told him I had stomachache. His reply? Want go toilet?. I mean, does stomachache equate to toilet? There are MANY different kinds of stomachaches around.
Those around the lower body(if u are thinking something pervertic here, ur abit to low :) ) are USUALLY toilet breaks. Those in the middle are usually food poisoning. I have a weak stomach (but i still consume food like wtf)
Haix... everyone was cheery (at least on the front) and discussing on how easy it was after the exams. I was consumed in pain...
I am not keen to the idea of discussing exam stuff after exams. I makes me more demoralised. Listening to the murmers already demoralise me enough (it makes me paranoid)
BTW, the Amaths paper2 yesterday was hella f(u) a shit! zzzz. Abyss. Total damnation. Total ownage. zzzz
Anyway, i was very arrogant. I just couldn't wash it off. I know i was getting arrogant, but i just can't seem to get rid of it. I suddenly lost all purpose. What am i studying for? Where do I want to go? no idea.
Left one MCQ paper on monday. The physics teacher said paper2 was badly done. My ambitions, hopes, dreams on science was crushed. destroyed. never.
I'm now just like a drifting piece of driftwood, getting pushed around by the waves(classmates and teachers)...
and to those ppl i hate, and detest, f(u) [i mean function : u mind u] XD
2 weeks to chinese O lvl paper... zzzzzzz gone game.
Channeler of lust
3:48 AM
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