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Monday, January 28, 2008

I've gotten my o level results... kinda sucks. But somehow it is the "top" 3 L1R5 integer in my school... sian.............

I have resigned to my fate of going into poly. My father wants me to go JC. And everyday they ask me what i chose. When they talked about this topic, i just cried. Just when I had chosen what I wanted, they have to interfere. It wasn't easy coming up with the conclusion. I've discarded all otehr advice and I get hooked back to what I wished to get rid of. It has been like this ever since i was young. Whenever an item caught my eye, they will give excuses and buy something else. That's why now whenever they manage to drag me along to go shopping, they will do the choosing. I'm just there to test whether the goods fit.

That's what excuses are. Reasons that one rejects.

I went to TPJC with the sole intention of being a tourist. But it seems that I will have to be a resident there. I just wanted to do chemical engineering. Making chemicals and stuff. My father was especially keen on the idea that I should, or other, MUST, persue the JC education.

If you are thinking my thoughts are one sided, there are 2 things you can do. nothing and like it. It's my thoughts. They are obviously biased.

I... I'll just have to bare the resentment about JC...... My mother said the only time they will not care about me is when i get a job and a house. I'll work towards that. I will regret it after leaving my family's love (if any), but for now, I'm blinded by hate now.

I really wanted to go poly. Probably it's the lack of information there that allures me. Probably there might be less acadamic stress there. Probably... I just want to get away from idiots. My defination of an idiot does not follow as well as comply in anyway and possibly in denial grounds differ from strict regulations as well as defination on the actual well respected and reconginsed english dictionry on the english language in the purest form uncontainminated by any traces of any singlish which is a form of inpurity which... you know the rest... My definination of idiot is anyone that has a brain but has a fucking attitude. Again, the attitude is based on my personal preference. Their actions, words, are somehow processed sub conciously in my mind. I cannot always give one BIG reason why he sucks, and consequently and idiot by my defination (by the way, the actual meaning of idiot can sometimes be used in my contect too) . Why am i talking about those farktards? They have the brains but they still phail anyway.

I'm not anti social. On a whole I am. But as the saying goes, treat ppl how you want them to treat you. I stray from others as i'm an observer, a critic and a bias freak judge. I do not wish others to judge me as harshly, that's why I tend to avoid others - hoping to somehow reduce the harshness of opinions which may break my already fragile heart.

Have you heard of the term flamebaits? They are people who post posts which induces ppl to flame them. Either they discuss an sensative question, or put it in a very inconsiderate way. It could be due to the lack of practice and mastery of the english language, but still, they are flame bait. In many forums that I find myself hanging in, I often come across questions about god, homosexuality which is better then which. Discussing such questions with friends, to me, is ok. Posting them up on the net is absolutely absurd. It's like a direct contest to one's beliefs, which shouldn't be provoked, challanged or in anyway questioned. I often find myself in a diliminia (dont know how to spell) whether should I just go and flame. I'll be like a little crusader fighting a whole expense of internet flamers. A losing battle. I'm an observer. I know i'll lose in a battle. I know the answers to teachers answers. I don't usually participate. I'm an observer.

Is it because due to my lack of participation that landed me in such a state?

LK/Eon after 4pm on 28 jan, 2008. No observed changes. Heart probably dead. Crushed by the demands of the world. MAN has unlimited wants but limited resources. MAN wont stop until every last one of them is fully utilised........ .......... ..........

Wish me luck on a voyage I have never expected to undertake. It's not within my scope of predictions. I didn't know I'll be so hurt...



Channeler of lust
6:08 AM
0comments



Wednesday, January 16, 2008


Oh damn. So long never update this blog. Very tired. Usually now i play those short games. No energy for RPG like conquer (lucky you egy). And I am probably too tired to play neopets too...

My mother always throw stuff away. Probably the few woman that aren't sentimental. She threw some stuff away. I pick them up and hide them. Then she finds them and throw them away. And frigging going the JC gives her more time to find and throw. Did I mention she SENDS stuff to the stupid recycling bag thingy. I hate it. Probably 99% of the stuff I keep ends up there. Probably her sentimentation ended up in me. A few weeks ago she threw away the toys which i played when i was a toddler. I never touch them anymore. But I just want to keep them. I don't know why but I just do.

And I hate the news. Screw news. Always CLASHES WITH WHAT I WANT TO WATCH. Dammit. Maybe i should hate the ones watching it more. Afterall, they are the consumers which create the demand for it.

My stuff~~~~ Stupid spring cleaning. Wonder who invented it. I'll probably get over it with time, but what after effects that residues in my mind is unimagineable....

For those who want to know wtf JC is like, I can prolly summerise it in 1 word. Sucks. Although my taste differs from most individuals by a huge factor, I still think one will agree that JC sucks. Well... you see basically there is tutorial and lectures. Lecture sit in one damn big lecture room (imagine the school hall with chairs which is built on "stairs") and drool. The lecturer chiong like 1 heck offa... road runner. tutorial is like normal class lesson. Go thru homework (aka tutorial) and go thru + enforce concepts. I go lecture hall get headache. Too cold + that road runner chiong like wtf and im sleepy =.= -- Deadly concotion of doom if one decides to stay in JC.

The seniors highly suggest and recommand that one should be CONSTANT in studying. A levels, unlike O levels, is not something that can be crammed at the last minute. So... mug lor. 1 main reason I didn't go meridian for PAE was the intrinsic fact that meridian is a ~dream~ school for many. Hence, muggers (nerds, bookworms, silverfish, mould etc.) will end up there. I heard the students there READ when they are free. WTF?! nvm. I'll never get what's so nice about novels. I only enjoy making up my own stories. TSK TSK. And I personally for 1, is not a mugger. I can't just study like that. I can't study for no reason. I need to get into the mood (kinda like *** huh?) . And my passion does not last long. Unless I get pissed with the damn math question. I swear, with xr's life, the computer is addicted to me :D
Chiong chiong chiong... is life really like that? Is working life all chiong? All i can do is be mentally prepared, but it will not be enough, but it's all i have.

FEATURING MY GP TEACHER. She sucks. She is like 1 hella offa snob. no futher comments. You sit in the class and you'll know. (muggers excluded)

Chem teacher is nicknamed "gan chiong"(rusher) spider. She talks like... there is 1 minute left b4 the lesson ends but she has 4 chapters to complete. she talks like:"chemistryisaveryfunsubjectsoyoushouldlearnitwithpassionItsonlyafewelementsandyouplaywiththem" (not the real speech but something i just cited for an example)

When I see a person I know, i dont say hi out. I say it in my heart =.= well, no one will know i already acknowldge the person is there...

ran out of stuff to type. I'll force myself to type more tmr. PE. yup screw pe.



Channeler of lust
6:10 AM
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