Monday, January 28, 2008

I've gotten my o level results... kinda sucks. But somehow it is the "top" 3 L1R5 integer in my school... sian.............

I have resigned to my fate of going into poly. My father wants me to go JC. And everyday they ask me what i chose. When they talked about this topic, i just cried. Just when I had chosen what I wanted, they have to interfere. It wasn't easy coming up with the conclusion. I've discarded all otehr advice and I get hooked back to what I wished to get rid of. It has been like this ever since i was young. Whenever an item caught my eye, they will give excuses and buy something else. That's why now whenever they manage to drag me along to go shopping, they will do the choosing. I'm just there to test whether the goods fit.

That's what excuses are. Reasons that one rejects.

I went to TPJC with the sole intention of being a tourist. But it seems that I will have to be a resident there. I just wanted to do chemical engineering. Making chemicals and stuff. My father was especially keen on the idea that I should, or other, MUST, persue the JC education.

If you are thinking my thoughts are one sided, there are 2 things you can do. nothing and like it. It's my thoughts. They are obviously biased.

I... I'll just have to bare the resentment about JC...... My mother said the only time they will not care about me is when i get a job and a house. I'll work towards that. I will regret it after leaving my family's love (if any), but for now, I'm blinded by hate now.

I really wanted to go poly. Probably it's the lack of information there that allures me. Probably there might be less acadamic stress there. Probably... I just want to get away from idiots. My defination of an idiot does not follow as well as comply in anyway and possibly in denial grounds differ from strict regulations as well as defination on the actual well respected and reconginsed english dictionry on the english language in the purest form uncontainminated by any traces of any singlish which is a form of inpurity which... you know the rest... My definination of idiot is anyone that has a brain but has a fucking attitude. Again, the attitude is based on my personal preference. Their actions, words, are somehow processed sub conciously in my mind. I cannot always give one BIG reason why he sucks, and consequently and idiot by my defination (by the way, the actual meaning of idiot can sometimes be used in my contect too) . Why am i talking about those farktards? They have the brains but they still phail anyway.

I'm not anti social. On a whole I am. But as the saying goes, treat ppl how you want them to treat you. I stray from others as i'm an observer, a critic and a bias freak judge. I do not wish others to judge me as harshly, that's why I tend to avoid others - hoping to somehow reduce the harshness of opinions which may break my already fragile heart.

Have you heard of the term flamebaits? They are people who post posts which induces ppl to flame them. Either they discuss an sensative question, or put it in a very inconsiderate way. It could be due to the lack of practice and mastery of the english language, but still, they are flame bait. In many forums that I find myself hanging in, I often come across questions about god, homosexuality which is better then which. Discussing such questions with friends, to me, is ok. Posting them up on the net is absolutely absurd. It's like a direct contest to one's beliefs, which shouldn't be provoked, challanged or in anyway questioned. I often find myself in a diliminia (dont know how to spell) whether should I just go and flame. I'll be like a little crusader fighting a whole expense of internet flamers. A losing battle. I'm an observer. I know i'll lose in a battle. I know the answers to teachers answers. I don't usually participate. I'm an observer.

Is it because due to my lack of participation that landed me in such a state?

LK/Eon after 4pm on 28 jan, 2008. No observed changes. Heart probably dead. Crushed by the demands of the world. MAN has unlimited wants but limited resources. MAN wont stop until every last one of them is fully utilised........ .......... ..........

Wish me luck on a voyage I have never expected to undertake. It's not within my scope of predictions. I didn't know I'll be so hurt...

Channeler of lust
6:08 AM
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