Monday, March 31, 2008
memories...
Channeler of lust
8:39 AM
0comments
Saturday, March 22, 2008
EEEEE I blogged again! LOL?
Time to pour more resentment of JC life.
In jc, everyone is just intolerant of one another. In O levels, we aren't just competing with the whole of singapore, but also other countries and due to the nature of singapore's education system, singapore has a upper hand. I emphasize on the word nature. At A levels, the examination is localised, hence the compition is much much stiffer. And everyone wants to be a winner, "moral values" break down, it's war.
When I try to make friends, the opposite of what is expected occurs. When I try to speak out more in class, i got into a fight. When I try to make friends through forums, i get flamed. J2s and J1s don't mix. Perhaps this system existed since the beginning of JCs, that's why i has to be carried on...
So... I have decided to be emo. No socialising. They aren't even fit to be tools. I'll just hold on to the shards of my past. They can't help me acadamically, but they'll help me morally. I'll crush these fucked ups. Now I know why I came JC. I never liked anyone here. I just want to make their lives miserable. You have no idea how they behave like most maplers, or DotA plays for that matter. Average teenagers. Narrow minded. Choosing only to believe what is bestowed upon them, dooming to fail. Since I am going to suffer here, I am going to let other suffer too. I'll be pleased to do so. What professors say are always RIGHT and what layman say is alway WRONG. Go die off somewhere other then this tiny red dot.
I guess why most people choose to read fantasy. They can't make their own.
I am beggining to feel that i am growing more violent. Each passing day, each passing remark, each passing topic. This rush of anger i do not know where it originates from... I just don't. I'm gaming intensively to run away from this feeling... of such pure hate. De-ionised hate.
Enough of these detestable beings <-- im describing them like animal aren't i?
Terms to know in JC:
mugger/mugging - to study or study intensively
bo chup - not caring about anything
P^2 A - participation, attention and i forgot what the last p means (pontank, absence, play traunt)
PSP - play station portable
GC - graphing calculator
the rest, dont know, dont care, dont give a damn
Being emo is my mechanism of self protection. Everyone says it's bad. I know it's bad. I tried to socialise, but I don't get encouragements. I get pricked. "to perservere and succeed", that was my primary school motto. I doubt i can escape from this paradox anymore. When I stand is set by the society i live in. What I am is what others think I am. What I do (or have to do) is what others WANT me to do.
My vigour will just die... in the hands of the narrow minded ones...
Channeler of lust
7:47 AM
0comments
Thursday, March 20, 2008
... another blog post SQUEEZED outta my sad, dry pathetic life in JC
It's official. JC is boring and dry. The existance of a student concil implants an tinge of fun and cohensiveness, but from a broader scope, there isn't at all.
My physics teacher wont reveal much about entropy :(
This guy who transferred out of the class came back, and as such, i think that my theory holds true, and therefore the class will split into 3 sections, the girls, the stuck ups and the leftovers, which a term hasn't been coined due to the inavailablity of data.More data will have to be collected to piece a better picture, but this will hold true for awhile. And I stand alone, as an observer.
Theory of class bond
1st - in a largely male dominated class, girls act like neutrons in a atom of a nucleus. The boys are protons and will repel one another. the girls add mass to a atom which will hold the nucleus. But due to the huge imbalance, class spirit will never be archeived, but rather, it will crumble.
2nd theory, for a JC curriculum, each classmate is just another tool, a stepping stone, to university, and betrayal and ignorance is often observed.
3rd, your standing is based on how well you did for prelims and o level, not by any objective judgement.
yea... took me 2 hours to think of the above crap. Shows how much effort i put into it.
now lets get on with this junk
Theres this guy in class who gets worked up for no obvious reason. He always have this urge to prove to ppl he knows more. He judges others mainly by grades. Don't really like him. I mean, is grades that important? This world is indeed practical, but it shouldn't be used as a universal gauge... I really hate telling others of my grades. 1st, they will have high expectations of me, which adds stress as i am expected to maintain or improve, which kinda sucks. esp. teachers.
Still, the not in syllabus problem persist, i am not readily obtain answers for the random questions that come into my head. Well, idc anymore. Tired of this shit. Crappy class, crappy curriculum, crappy timetable, crappy second rate (tiem flies too fast!), sian diao
yh warned me that i may be sucked into the approaching conflict in the class which i predicted might happen, but i doubt i will be affected, unless by then i have grown emotianlly attached to them. Saying that i wont is pure fallacy and cannot be presented.
Channeler of lust
7:20 AM
0comments
Friday, March 14, 2008
I'm blogging now coz yong han tell me to BLOG more about JC life which he has so much fun sadistically enjoying (my suffering).
Well, JC is boring. All we, or at least I, do is liste, do, get confused, do, don't know how to do, mug, emo, do, listen and study (YES, it recurs!). It's damn hostile. If anyone says JC is fun, I highly doubt it has anything to do with the curriculum (i shold really do something about my spelling).
Yesterday went out to play LAN in the afternoon and East Point. Quite sian. Played CS for the 1st time, tio owned :( I still like AVP =) Alien ftw~
The reload in CS damn irritating. Runs out at CRUCIAL moments. AVP still can hop in hopes to dodge and atk, in CS, it doesn't matter. Further more, bullets can penetrate walls without any warning =.= (the wall does not seem to have be punctured). But then again, cs is a game where pistol can own lol. The sniping interface is quite simple to aim. 99% if the target on crossheir it will hit. The problem the the toggling between the scoping and normal mode. It's practically impossible to shoot with it in the normal mode.
Then today go derick house help him portforward and see them play age of empire 3. Don't know why he still can't host games on battle.net. I can when I port forward =\ More research I guess. Age of empire looks sian. The game seems quite slack, I mean that the game can last for quite a long time, unless the user knows how to rush. I still prefer wc3, then again, I am a person who is quite resistant to new ideas.
Today actually have other plans in the afternoon, but it was somehow cancelled (guess it ISN'T ceteris paribus). Girls *rolls eyes*
Anyone wants to watch evangelion 1.0: you are [not] alone? I think it is released today at all cathey cinemas. I think. I never had a good memory for names. =)
Sian... I still haven't gone change my graphing calculator... the LCD spoil. Got 1 line of void (you can see this line that display nothing). Last time my gameboy also like that. Then after a few months of no using it, the screen turn funny, like crystal formations appearing in 2D.
*define variable, we = me, stump, ivan, kin leong, a 4e4 girl =\ (i think, highly theorical))
I went to secondary school again for phototaking. Couldn't smile. Miss SIM (HAD TO EMPHASIS THIS NAME FFS!) made me do a very fake smile, and she said my clothes not good for photographs. Like duh~ Why do I always shun from camaras? For this exact purpose. I do not like to be in a photograph. Then after that we went to look for some teachers that are left. Mr Khan was setting A maths paper for SA1, and he is sleepy... So I suggested he copy and paste, and he replied that he copy and pasted whatever he could, so I suggested that instead of using the number 9, change to 8 =\
Miss sim and Mr khan agreed that JC sucks lol (ok they didn't. They used a less technical term which is boing lol)
Miss Sakinah was MIA (HENG!! ROFL) Then we left a note on Mr teo's (jimmy jim jim =P) table.
After that we went to the HOD's room. Then see Mrs Lee <--has stocks of discipline files. Then after that saw Mdm noraha, which was digging(?) for some stuff under he table so we didn't see her at 1st. Discovered by: kin leong
Mr lordsamy was emoing at his table
Advice from Mrs Lee: Do H2 econs. Everyone starts from equal ground. And doing H2 econs you will have more periods of econs and hence you have an upperhand.
He desktop picture got derick sia. I emo... anyway I seldom appear in photos lol
Then we had some chatter about JC and poly stuff~~~~ then go home =.="
Random info: Both mdm noraha's daughters went to MJ
Just now I went to pia a last minute Economic MCQ, and I got 10/20. I could have gotten 8/20, but I cheated on the 1st question (refer to lecture slides) tralalala. From their statistics, most ppl got 10, folled by 12 then 14, then 8. Hehe I don't feel so bad. This mentality is bad, but still, no one will comfort me, so I can only support myself with dillusions...
AVA in JC is a CCA that fully pia. Apart from managing sound and lighting systems in performace, AVA also does basic programming stuffs (thingy). Haix. Got one new member. I don't like him. He says in my sec sch his taekuando streching was called streching, and this TPJC's wushu streching isn't streching at all. Well, big deal eh? Since your sec sch was must better and tougher, then why did you end up here? He reminds me of a person I knew, but that's all the past now.
Channeler of lust
6:09 AM
0comments
Tuesday, March 04, 2008
Another update!
!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
1st and foremost,
SIAN!
LOL ROFL SIAN!
YES SIAN
SIAN - a feeling which one gets when he or she is bored. And sleepy.
Everything is just screwed up. The laws, the theories, the empathy... all screwed. It's like the quantum theory implanted in our exprience of space and time. Eveything is mixed up. All twirly whirly and spinning.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Whay I have predicted the distribution of the class has changed, as one guy (the one which I'll probably hate most) has opted to get transferred to another class (possibly he went to take 4 H2 as it is the 'in' thing) Everyone's taking it... I feel so out... Well heck, the government try to make things simpler, but they just want to prove (showoff) that they can handle more. Well, they work more and will possibly get more yield... but what's the opportunity cost?
Competition is now more stiff. Some question me what school I was from, and when I mentioned my school, their reaction was ESSS can get 10 pts one meh? It's like -wtf la retards. =.= All of you posses better English, better grades in everything, but your emotional quotient (EQ) is like more miserable then mine. And I thought I was emo.
I have this hypothesis that in every society there is only a certain number of each person of each type of personality, I'm trying to increase my willingness to convert to a more less-emo kind of personality, but the stains of the past hinder me to do so. I still have to be independent... In case I get thrown into another new realm again... At least I Will still survive.
Data I have absorbed. (not important can be skipped altogether)
1 guy. His style of writing is aggressive. I have hence implied that his is a very competitive person. He could probably be the type that will do anything to achieve his goals.
Another. Knows alot. Participates actively. But likes to drag ppl down with him when he isn't good in a particular field. Probably he needs company, but most likely he is after something more of achievement value.
There is another guy no in my class. He talks to the lecturers alot. He seems to be a physics fanatic. Everything physics involved he'll be there. He will always try to show that he knows more physics that everyone does. He even complained that how the syllabus is arranged is screwed. Well, bless him.
There's another girl. She complains, or what clement called comments, that the more challenging questions are not challenging at all. Well, I can do it without any problems and I didn't even complain.
Questions are often easy when the teachers went through it.
I seem to be prejudiced and often hate those that might be smarter then I am. There are only few smart people that I respect, but most that get good grades or show to have it are just... empty bottles...
I seem to have less control over my thoughts now. I don't even know why I think this person is bad etc. It's just by the tone, eye position, patience when one conducts his/her talk that I deduce the type of person he is. If needed, I'll induce anger to the person and test him. I'm becoming such a sicko... I don't know why... Probably I'm just trying to protect myself in my new school environment. One where elitism is god. We study for the sake of exams.
invisible cracks are forming in my mirror. What I see myself, this world is, is crumbling. Perhaps everything should just be wiped out. Like a really bad dream.
I miss my secondary school. I really do. I need breathing space. I need those that I am fond of...
Channeler of lust
3:09 AM
0comments
