Miraging faith

Sunday, April 27, 2008

I am in denial.

Every time an unpleasant answer is received, I tell myself that that person is joking. Now I know they're not. I'm pissed with my project work group. With such retarded cohesiveness, I can question the presence of an A on my A level certificate on the PW section.

When I asked for assistance, everyone stayed quiet. As if telling me that please don't pick me. The leader asked me to pick anyone to aid me. It was a psychological attack. I cannot retaliate, I can only retreat and surrending. She kept mentioning pick anyone. She kept suggesting names. It was a iminent sign of a direct challenge. Since you won't give half a damn I won't too.

Just because I've got an A2 for english in o level does that mean i have to carry the burden of doing all the work? Surely you guys did not do much research either. From responses, none of the relavent fields of research was mentioned. Indicating a deficit in information available. Also, I've contributed a great bulk of the discussion. I was part of the discussion for the 1st 3 ideas, and I was too caught up in finishing the final piece to be participating in the majour of the 4th idea.

I've contributed too. Shouldn't I be exempted from typing the final piece too? Furthermore, I have more outstanding homework to do. And you sycophants can only say "can ar" and "thanks"
apart from keeping quiet. Of course I am neglecting the fact that they might be sleepy or sick, but surely, I am no more tired then them. My body is falling apart because I am sleeping at 12nn on weekdays. It's twisting the limits of my biological clock.

Since you guys have more outstanding time why don't you do it? Reasons like math tests and i need to study wont work. Don't I need to study? I have AVA duty from 6-10pm tomorrow, and the day after that I've got maths(?) and general paper comprehension test. And my knowledge on them is ground 0. Humans. Here I am complaining, unable to do anything constructive to integrate my plight. All I can do is throw tantrum in this little space of mine, vulerable to checks of all sorts, all dangerous and bare. But my humane desire remians. Being lazy, pushing blame, take credit.

That's the best phrase to describe my group, and yours truely.

Enough said of those vermins. I'll be in self denial again.
And my mum isn't helping. Whatever i do is wrong. All she sees is me playing games. SCREW IT MAN. I WNATED TO GO THAT DAMNED POLY, AND YOU GUYS TRAPPED ME I THIS CAGE. INSTEAD OF ENCOURAGING MY YOU'RE JUST GOING TO DRENCH MY SANITY. IT ISN'T MY FAULT FOR DOING LAST MINUTE. QUESTION YOURSELF. QURRALING, STUDY TABLE IN THE LIVING ROOM. HOW AM I TO CONCENTRATE? THE ONLY TIME I HAVE IN LATE AT NIGHT. i'M JUST GETTING CRUSHED. SLIENTLY

This week thursday I had chemistry spa. It was hectic. Cannot talk. Have to do the right techniques. Very stressful. The teacher's eyes scan the room like an eagle, ready to mark your marks down whenever possible. and got one part the precipitate keep coming out through the damned filter paper. shit man. Im getting marked down for that.

Last week friday went out for speechday. It was like a recollection of past memories. What I've noticed it that everyone has changed. Not one has stayed behind, except me. I can't say if i know them anymore. perhaps... just perhaps... they've killed my off their memories...

Channeler of lust
8:09 AM
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Wednesday, April 16, 2008

I seriously need to get a new blog skin. Some say it's awkward, others say they're sick of it. Some are just sian of it.

As promised, I've added "angelr's" newest and 4th law proven in JC. It's an honour to have professor "angelr" to have contributed to a blog of such humble background. So, If ya have any laws you wanna add, just say so! :D

I haev been busy doing my project work, or more specifically, my prelimary ideas. It's full of typing, thinking, evaluating splunder! And best of all, you get to taste the true essence of coffee. You get to use the computer. You get to shorten your teacher's lifespan. You get to not do other homework. It's fun! Seriously it is.

Well, Projectwork, herein and after referred as PW, could be useful in writing proposals and other stuff, but the hectic workload in Jc does not support, or rather, supply that much time for us to do a good pi. Furthermore, it's to be completed in a year. Surely we won't be given such an expense of time when we are to write reports.

As you get older, you'll get stacked with more responsibilites. Everything becomes more stressful. Worry about this, worry about that. Worried that the world will end at 2012 because of some pole shift and not because of me. Worried that yong han might decide to type -kill blue in TBR when im going to kill a boss. worried that I cannot cope. Worried that my comp will someday just die out on me. Worried that I cannot publish this post. Worried that I cannot get good grades. the anxiety is killing me. My father says working is much more stressful. I doubt so. He didn't go JC.

Poly seems like such a better alternative. got girls that are chio (?), less hectic life... how ideal.

I hate me class. There are 2 mother muggers that study like wtf
and the just kope the teacher to themselves $&%^&^$%&$%
they suck.
I hate them.
And wass this mann. They have tuition just go la.
nigwits.
I'll get a RPG an fry their ass
Or let the hate within me consume me and i won them at the end of the year.

I'm getting into the studying mode. Yong han's school has started. No on i know to play warcraft 3 games in. He wants to aim to go uni thru poly. I shouldn't disturb or hinder him in archeiving his goals.

Yong han says that I have become more aggressive in my way of arguement. Perhaps it's because my super ego is threatened in JC, esp by those 2 fags. Or perhaps the principal uses subconcious sublimal messages which my brain shows very violent reactions to. Perhaps I still resent the fact that i got into JC .Perhaps I'm being possessed by something else. Perhaps I'm jealous he still has holidays. Perhaps I miss someone. Perhaps I am frustated that I have lots of undone homework...

Tomorrow morning I have physics SPA. No miss sakinah to scold me about not having ruler lol. those were the dayz...

Let me just hope for the best. My survival clings on this hope.
My heart is splitting from the inside.

Channeler of lust
7:36 AM
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