Miraging faith

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Even though I missed posting anything pertaining to 2010 in my blog, I must still acknowledge that I am still very well alive, and perhaps, not that well.

With hardcore procrastination, and being intoxicated with all the computer game timing I was entitled to after A levels, I gave little thought onto filling this blog with memories. What triggered my return here is the arrival of a new sofa set my father ordered. My mother immediately order of the removal of the old sofa set, which was wrinkling. It got me thinking; is that how pragmatic(practical) we are? The old did not have time to even 'hand over' the roles to the new, and the old was immediately relieved of its duty, and at that, to be discharged. I'll admit I'm the sentimental kind, and therefore I felt that the old sofa set shouldn't be thrown away. My father concurs with me, but my mother rants about, for one, the trouble she has to go through to move the sofa around so that the floor it occupies is cleaned using the vacuum cleaner. But I'm guessing she doesn't like to keep things around. She tossed one older piece of sofa from the previous previous set but I guess my father didn't realise it yet. But my father did eventually move the old sofa down from my floor to the ground floor for disposal. As he dragged the sofa across the ground floor, the legs of the sofa gave a sharp screech, as if wailing to not be disposed off...

My dad, on the other hand, tries to replace what my mother complains as broken. Take for example the vacuum cleaner. The old vacuum cleaner broke again after being resuscitated awhile back. She complained quite abit about the trouble (and pain) she had to clean the house. So my dad got a new one. Now she complains that the new one is too heavy. Oh wait, she was having too much pain to go choose the one she wants, and she wants a new one. It's like saying I want to eat something but you choose for me. When the food isn't to my liking isn't it my fault for letting you choose? (no offense intended)

The same goes for the sofa and rolling chair and other stuff. Nothing is to her liking. Oh well, no wonder I never got her a birthday present. She'll dislike it anyway ^^

I don't know why my younger brother likes to stay up late at night. He clearly has nothing better to do but he's like trying to be the last one to sleep or something. Oh well. 12 AM and counting :D

Speaking my mother, I think she's acting like a kid recently. She tries to get what she wants, in a more childish way. If things aren't going as the way she wants, she'll just make a din and make everyone give into her. Take for example when eating out. The seat chosen was near the exit point of the exhaust for the hawker center, and she kept complaning about the smoke and stuff. Not to mention when there are smokers around... She has contributed greatly to the family for years and now she's suffering from aches all over her body, but surely there's a better way to present herself?

My younger brother on the other had became a full fledge computer / NDS addict. Not that I'm too worried. But by social convention I should be, as a older brother, be concerned, but I don't want to be a douchebag.

My last post ends somewhere in the midst of A levels. As I remembered, I wanted to confess about my feeling about the Economics paper. The word is confess. I guess I felt so guilty about that subject I neglected. Apart from General Paper (GP) and Chinese... Well, Chinese can't be rectified since ever since primary 3 my chinese standard went into... errr... skydiving? For GP I was too engrossed with computer games to read up and my English vocabulary accelerated at 9.81 m/s^2 ever since... I don't have a value for that unfortunately. But I digress, for economics I felt really guilty since I put in some effort, but not that much. I started reading every material from scratch a few days prior to the exam, but I couldn't get my mind focused so I ended up playing facebook games on my father's facebook account. Sad huh. In the end, in the exam, I blanked out on the most fundamental question, which is of globalisation. I wrote a length of text which I scrapped in the end as I find it irrelavent. It was a mess. I never really wanted to touch this sector of my memory. But I guess I have to let it out, bit by bit. I can only release this lock if I analyse what went wrong. I guess I know, but my mind tries to block me from it. Sad case.

At 12.30am, my younger brother prepares to go to sleep.

So about 1 year ago I got my A level results. Was I elated? Excited? Those emotions don't show on me. I was more concerned about other stuff. The day that I collected my results... marked the same day where I would most likely last meet those that I met in school. My teachers, classmates and schoolmates. Perhaps marked the last time I would see the interior of the facility. But time is like a tsunami wave, or like a mudslide, it doesn't wait. What emotion was I overfilled with unwillingness to graduate? Or to age? It means little now anyway. Remember, there's this mudslide. My 2nd Civics tutor presented me the grade certificate, she asked if I was happy, I know the answer. Nah, I could've done better (see above).

So in 2010 it was the year I go enlisted in the army. The heck? To avoid getting into unnecessary trouble I shall leave it at that. But I'll let you in on something. There were speculation that the A level results would not come out on 5 March 2010 because the enlistment date is 5th march, but it did, and the enlistment date changed to 6th March. 1 day to think about what to choose, isn't alot of time ya? ^^

The rest of the 10 months of 2010 has been more or less spent in Tekong, or gaming at home. For what? To sedate myself from reality... that's my reality.

Channeler of lust
6:54 AM
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